Avoiding situations when something is scary, uncomfortable and anxiety-producing is a smart coping strategy to a kid’s brain. It allows them to feel less of that yucky feeling and remain in regulation more of the time. It’s typically challenging for them to understand the consequences of avoidance.

Read this study from the Mayo Clinic about kids who use avoidance as a coping strategy.

To help kids get back to activities that nurture them, there are a few steps: first, we need to help them find motivation to change. Then, we arm them with tools to deal with the fear and anxiety. Finally, through exposure, help them face their fears with more confidence.

Perfectionism often looks like anxiety turn inwards. Kids may hold themselves to impossibly high standards, have meltdowns, procrastinate, imagine situations of failure or refuse to try new things. They likely have trouble enjoying their success and instead focus on their mistakes.

We can advocate for our kid to be high acheivers without being perfectionists.

We can help them find a growth mindset, focus on process over outcome, value self care and joy, learn to prioritize and set realistic goals. These are all learned skills for perfectionists — skills they need to learn earlier than other kids.

Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) is when picky eating begins to impact a kid’s health. Food becomes inked to strong worry and emotion. It can be caused by a traumatic event (such as choking or a big life transition), health issues or sensory sensitivities.

We’ll work on identifying triggers and learning coping strategies — all to help make eating time less stressful. Eventually, we’ll build out a list of safe foods and a strategy around making that list grow longer.

It’s possible to make meal times stress free again.

When a kid is tired, its more challenging to control thoughts - leading to night time fears, rumination and worry.

By discussing their fears and worries, helping them build coping thought patterns and introducing more soothing activities and routines, night time can become a time of relaxation again.

Sometimes there are physical symptoms of anxiety like belly aches, exhaustion or headaches.

Sometimes having symptoms can cause even more worry - read this article on Somatic Symptom Disorder from the Child Mind Institute.

With somatic symptoms, we need to first assess and understand whether the symptoms are connected to anxiety or something else. Then, we’ll address the worries beneath the symptoms.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion, meaning that a thought is not aligned with reality. It is normal for kids and teens to struggle with what’s realistic and what’s not, especially after they’ve gone through a big life change or trauma.

Adjusting a distortion takes re-structuring of thoughts, building internal resilience and self confidence and facing challenging fears with courage.

Kids or teens who seem overly responsible (for example: taking care of a sibling or friend) may feel stressed or anxious about all they have taken on. They may not know how to set it down or fear the consequences of doing so.

We can teach them there is another way, one that involves co-regulated, interdependent relationships. Understanding their attachment style and how to work to feel safe in relationship is a starting pont.

Phobias are quite common in kids. It is a cognitive distortion between their perceived safety/danger and reality — a normal thing to be working out as a young person. However, phobias interfere with a kid’s development and life if the phobia is unaddressed and able to continue growing.

Addressing a phobia takes a few steps: first, we need to help them find motivation to change. Then, we arm them with tools to deal with the fear and anxiety. Finally, through exposure, help them face their fears with more confidence.